Matthew Kelly inspiration

The Beauty of Friendship

There is nothing more beautiful in this life than a good friendship. When I was a teenager, my father held out his hand, spread his five fingers wide, and said to me, "If you find five true friends in your lifetime, you will have lived a life infinitely blessed." At the time, I thought it was a little strange because I had so many friends, but as the years have passed, my father's wisdom has become more and more apparent.

Friendship

The question I have struggled with over the years is, "What constitutes a true friend?" Perhaps it would be helpful for you to pause for a moment and reflect. Who are your true friends? What makes them good friends?

As a child, I thought friendship was about hanging out together all the time and sticking up for each other when others were critical or cruel. In my adolescence, I thought a true friend was someone who liked everything you liked and never did anything to upset you. But as an adult, I have learned that the defining quality of a true friendship is when the other person encourages you to be all you can be, challenges you to become the-best-version-of-yourself, and vice versa.

What sort of people do you like being with? What types of people give you energy?

As I look at my life and my years of traveling, there are certain people who I yearn to spend time with. Some days, as I walk through the airport and look at the television monitors to see which gate my flight is leaving from, I look at the list of cities and one will catch my eye. For a moment, I wish I were going to that city. Why? Because there is someone in that city who inspires and energizes me to be all I can be.

I love being around people who are constantly striving to better themselves. They energize me. They inspire me. They challenge me.

Socially, I try to surround myself with people who make me want to be a better person. I admit they are not easy to find, but when you do find them, they are more precious than any treasure or pleasure this world has to offer.

If you want a litmus test for choosing friends, use this question: Will spending time with this person make me want to be a better person?

Spiritual Friends & Loneliness

I try to apply this truth not only to my social life, but also to my spiritual life. This is why the saints are such good friends. They challenge us to become all we can be and encourage us to become the-best-version-of-ourselves. But the real beauty is found in their method. They don't preach endless sermons, and they don't try to impose their views on others - they challenge, inspire, and encourage us simply by living their own lives to the fullest. That is the social dynamic of holiness. It is attractive, and it is contagious.

If you and I sit down at lunch and you order soup and a salad, it makes me think twice about ordering a double cheeseburger with bacon and fries. If my friends are going to the gym after work, I feel that inner nudge to work out myself. If a colleague is honest and humble about a mistake he has made, I am humbled by his example of humility.

Goodness is contagious. The problem is, so is evil. The challenge for you and me, as Christians in the midst of the modern world, is to be examples of good living.

None of us realize how much we influence others. Everything you do, people are watching, and everything you say, people are listening. The influence of your words and actions is contributing to the way they live their lives. In A Call to Joy, I wrote, "You will learn more from your friends than you ever will from books. Choose your friends wisely."

This is why the saints are such treasures. They may have lived in another place and time, but they can be true friends. I'd rather spend a couple of hours with Francis of Assisi and Teresa of Avila than with some of my contemporaries on a Friday night getting drunk. I'd much rather spend time with dead people who inspire me to be all I can be than with live people who lead me to be just a shadow of all God created me to be.

I promise you, it is better to spend time with dead people who bring you to life than with live people who lead you to death.

From time to time, I meet people who are dating a person they know they don't want to spend the rest of their lives with. If you ask them why, they say it is because they don't like being alone. I have learned it is better to be alone than with the wrong person.

Don't be afraid of your loneliness. Use it as an opportunity to befriend people who inspire you. Harness your loneliness as a chance to befriend the saints.